That was a quote by Bono, yes from U2. It pretty well summed up my summer. Change was happening everywhere around me and I had to choose how I was going to adapt. The choice to continue making progress up the side of that mountain or sit on my butt and slide back down to the bottom where the balance I crave for my happiness and normalcy were waiting for me.
It has been a summer of joy and also trials and tribulations of a life lived on the edge of emotion at each moment. Joy at the gift of being here and being alive, so that I can fulfill what I believe is my purpose and uncertainty if the climb was going to be worth all the effort. It is a fine line I think we all walk at each moment but made harder when the terrain seems to shift at each step beneath your feet.
For me it is always difficult to balance a life filled to the brim with too many thoughts and never having enough words to describe how I feel, even to myself, let alone give those words to others to move them to find their “everything”. To find the strength to still seek life’s passion with joy and sadness mere inches away from each other at every moment.
I understood that it was yet another transformation period in my life, something we each go through, a test to see if we can learn the lessons and move forward with our spirit unharmed. No nothing terrible happened, just a very deep test of my commitment and to reaffirm that I am where I was meant to be. A test to see if I could remember to use all the gifts I was given of love, peace and happiness in the face of less than perfect conditions.
Staring at rocks and little bits of green trying to grow in the terrain of that rocky mountain side I was climbing was at times not enough of a sign of progress to make the climb seem worth it.
Wondering along the way, what would await at the top, was I really where I was supposed to be, the top seemed a long way up and very far away. Life can make you tired and it becomes easier to question if it all really matters. But I did not give in and kept trudging one step after another.
So here I am, I have made it to the top and all I can say is the view is extraordinary. I see valleys and greenery and the air suddenly seems fresh and clean. All the doubts gone, I can take a deep breath and say I believe I am in the right place. If you close your eyes here, the only sound you can hear is the wind. There is peace in my heart and again it all makes sense to me.
So here is my advice if you ever question yourself and find yourself feeling like you can’t take one more step up your mountain.
Don’t hold back words of kindness. Speak them, to yourself, as well as others, even if you really don’t feel like saying them. You think they are gifts to others they are not – they are gifts to you.
Be visible. If no one sees you they cannot love you and you cannot show your love to them. This is all we have. This is where our purpose to keep going comes from, each other.
Wear your goodness on your sleeve, share it or give it away. Inside you there is within you an endless well of goodness that fills up each and every time you give it away.
Don’t ever worry about what others think of you. It’s your responsibility to like you, no one else’s.
Figure out what is important to you and make that your priority. Write it down and remind yourself constantly. We lose track so quickly of what really matters to us.
Create a feeling of abundance from everything you do. A meal can become a feast, a walk outside a wonder of nature, reading a book can be an adventure to somewhere we haven’t been, realize that being alive is a glorious gift, how much of a gift will be decided in your attitude.
So here is what I have decided for me.
It is really not a terrible thing that each day when I wake up I realize that I could live a thousand years and never show all the love I have welled up inside, enough time to share all my thoughts , read all the books that I want to read, and give all that I have to give and be grateful enough for all that I have been given.
It is ok that I can’t fix everything and that maybe these are things we are given, things we need, they help us grow. I have found out that my life is really not about if it will be long enough to get it all in, it is more about me not giving up trying. Understanding that progress in itself is the gift not necessarily getting it all in before the finish line.
And so along with the beauty I see here at the top of this mountain is the mountain I see in the distance a bit higher than the one I am on now. I know that I have my strength back and it’s time to start climbing the next mountain!
I hope I see you while I am climbing and we can remind each other that there will always be another mountain to climb and that any progress we make up this mountain will be a reason enough to celebrate!
Make sure to watch for a second email this week. I want to tell you about my next mountain!
Love to you all! Kim