It’s been two years to the day since I last posted here at A New Day and today I return. I am ready. It has been a long and arduous twenty-four months and I desperately needed time to heal. There were 99 reasons to wallow in sadness but hope allows the 100th reason to return to creating a joyful life. Backing away and gathering from others what I gave so freely to everyone allowed me to see my life clearly. I needed to seek counsel from others who were in a better place emotionally and spiritually and allow them to, this time, share what they know with me.
During the time I chose to step away we had to live each day doing really hard things again and again but yet here we are. Among other devastating events, we lost my in-laws, my husband was an only child, his parents had been divorced 30+ years and lived on opposite sides of the country yet within a month suddenly they were both gone. We lost my father within a calendar year of their deaths.
Death leaves a hole in your heart but losing three people you love so deeply makes the hole a cavernous and dark and almost impossible to see any light. In addition, my sister who is disabled and my husband and I have cared for in our home for 14 years was diagnosed with an inoperable tumor and is currently on hospice care at home. We then lost our precious Frank, our Cocker Spaniel, who passed away suddenly the day after his 13th birthday.
Life has never been easy and it still remains a challenge but here is what know, being strong is not as I once thought it was simply pushing through events. Simply surviving the day to get through to the next is not the answer.
I was always very independent and felt I could handle anything, I was strong and proud of it. But even strong limbs snap when the weight becomes too heavy. I see now that we must learn to be flexible and allow others to bring to light those things that we cannot see for ourselves while we are in the midst of darkness. Doing so lightens the weight. Even the inspirer needed inspiration.
So here we are. I have traveled the road littered with thorns and with every painful step I learned that simply yanking those thorns out and continuing on down the path, hobbling and bloody is not the answer. Just pushing on, as I have in the past is no way to move forward and honor the gift of life we have been given. I learned that to truly heal and move forward unencumbered with a joyous heart we must feel the pain and understand and accept that the deeper and more passionately you love will be equaled by the pain you are going to feel with a loss. The gauge of true strength is faith that the branch is able to arch with the heaviness, temporarily giving in to the weight and then bounce back when the weight eases over time.
This and so much more is what my purpose has been and will always be. It is what I have that I can share with all of you.
So, thank you for staying with me. I hope that my return can inspire you every day to live with passion and to risk loving deeply and fully each and every day and to remind you how very blessed we are to be alive.
Blessings for a beautiful day!